Ten Ways To Fit In With, Or Freak Out, Your Pre-Teen Child
By Martha Saluap
9. When driving your child to school, turn on the cheesy local KISS-FM and cross your fingers. When your kid looks at you with a puzzled disposition, state “I’m really hoping they give away a chance to win Kelly Clarkson’s car again! Last time I was caller 101! Soooo close.”
8. Create a MySpace profile. Ask your child to be your friend. Make sure that your picture consists of you scantily clad holding an alcoholic beverage. Also, format your song to be Justin Timberlake’s “SexyBack.” Top your page off with a headline stating “Mama/Papa in Da HIZOUSE.”
7. With the aforementioned MySpace account, ask ALL of your child’s friends to be your friend. Once any or all accept, leave them all comments making plans for future trips to the beach or concerts.
6. Tell your daughter her shorts are not NEARLY short enough. Follow that up with a quiet comment to yourself: “Now I understand how Jessica Simpson’s Dad felt …”
5. Ask your son if the boys think it’s cool to date “chicks with kids.” If he says no, say “Okay [fill in your son’s name here], we’re going to have to start calling you my brother.”
4. When your son/daughter asks for a ride to their friend’s house, say “For sure. But first, I want to ask your opinion about the [fill in car’s name here].” While standing outside looking at the car, point and say “Don’t you think I should pimp it out a little? I’m thinking hydraulics…or maybe a new bass system that will really bump when Chamillionaire’s ‘Ridin’ comes on.”
3. Tell your daughter that you’ve made an appointment for you and her to get matching Brazilians.
2. Tell your son that your best friend really wants to take him out. When he looks at you puzzled, shrug and reply “You know, like a Demi/Ashton thing.”
1. Go into your child’s room. Look in their mirror and check out your back-side. When you get their attention, ask them “You think I got a good badonkadonk?”
9. When driving your child to school, turn on the cheesy local KISS-FM and cross your fingers. When your kid looks at you with a puzzled disposition, state “I’m really hoping they give away a chance to win Kelly Clarkson’s car again! Last time I was caller 101! Soooo close.”
8. Create a MySpace profile. Ask your child to be your friend. Make sure that your picture consists of you scantily clad holding an alcoholic beverage. Also, format your song to be Justin Timberlake’s “SexyBack.” Top your page off with a headline stating “Mama/Papa in Da HIZOUSE.”
7. With the aforementioned MySpace account, ask ALL of your child’s friends to be your friend. Once any or all accept, leave them all comments making plans for future trips to the beach or concerts.
6. Tell your daughter her shorts are not NEARLY short enough. Follow that up with a quiet comment to yourself: “Now I understand how Jessica Simpson’s Dad felt …”
5. Ask your son if the boys think it’s cool to date “chicks with kids.” If he says no, say “Okay [fill in your son’s name here], we’re going to have to start calling you my brother.”
4. When your son/daughter asks for a ride to their friend’s house, say “For sure. But first, I want to ask your opinion about the [fill in car’s name here].” While standing outside looking at the car, point and say “Don’t you think I should pimp it out a little? I’m thinking hydraulics…or maybe a new bass system that will really bump when Chamillionaire’s ‘Ridin’ comes on.”
3. Tell your daughter that you’ve made an appointment for you and her to get matching Brazilians.
2. Tell your son that your best friend really wants to take him out. When he looks at you puzzled, shrug and reply “You know, like a Demi/Ashton thing.”
1. Go into your child’s room. Look in their mirror and check out your back-side. When you get their attention, ask them “You think I got a good badonkadonk?”
<< Back to the Table of Contents